Friday, September 28, 2012

McDonald's Monopoly(TM)

So in case you were wondering, all zero of you, if I am one of those fucktards who gets ridiculously excited about McDonald's Monopoly, I'll tell you right now. Yes, I am.

Today I went to McDonald's for lunch because I couldn't think of anything else to eat. While sitting in the drive thru line, I saw the sign for the Monopoly game, and I'm sure if I were looking at myself from outside my car, my beady little eyes would've lit right up.

Fucking October. Every year, every damn year, McDonald's sucks me in with this stupid game. I buy bigger fries and drinks in the hopes that maybe I'll be the one in eleventy million person to get Boardwalk, or that maybe I'll win $50,000, at least, or a new car, or a free sundae (because a free sundae is equal to these other things in value).

I've won the food prizes. I've won the sweepstakes ENTRIES. Have I ever won anything that would make my mother proud? No. No. All I've earned is a fat ass and little piles of tiny monopoly pieces with codes on them.

So today, of course, I bought a medium Coke and a large fries because then I'd get six whole Monopoly pieces. I eagerly pulled them from the boxes when I got back to my office and gleefully entered the codes online after registering. I won sweepstakes entries. Nothing more.

The crowning jewel of my miserable experience is when I lost one of the pieces. I counted them - I should have had six, but I had five. One disappeared. I searched for it and felt overwhelming disappointment that I couldn't find it. I still don't know where it is. I think my laptop sucked it up into its robot parts because it hates me.

I'm all discombobulated. I earned six pieces, and yet I have five. It was on the desk; now it's not.

What the fuck, McDonald's? What have you turned me into?


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