Wank of America

SERVICE REVIEW: Bank of America

I've been dealing with Bank of America both personally and professionally for a number of years, having enjoyed a few of their credit cards/loans and having to deal with their bullshit on a regular basis because my clients have mortgages through them. However, up until August 1, I did not have a checking or savings account at Bank of America, and now I wish that were still true.

I opened a checking and savings there, lured by promises of $75 cash and an awesome ATM that swallows your cash and checks with no envelope and no counting. It counts it for you! What could be better? No adding up, no writing anything on an envelope, no getting pissed off about not having a pen or all the envelopes being gone when you want to make an ATM deposit.

Of course we were wary. And of course, the goddamn thing ate $900.00 cash - meant for my dog's surgery - without a receipt and without posting it to my account. The lady who opened my account for me stood there and watched the whole thing go down with great embarrassment; unfortunately, there was no one on hand who could open the ATM and give me my money back. "File a claim," they said. "They'll give you a temporary deposit until we balance the ATM."

File a claim I did. Receive a deposit I did. Write a check for the dog's surgery I did. Receive a letter in the mail today telling me claim was denied because they couldn't find the cash in the ATM I did.

I lost it. Most people have heard the phrase "blinded by rage" before, and I was the perfect illustration of that. My vision actually narrowed - little lights were popping all around my periphery. I was shaking. I could not speak. I called the branch, but of course, nobody answered the phone. So I called the claims department and impatiently pushed zero until I got to speak to someone.

I fucking UNLOADED on this poor woman. I don't even know what I was saying. I began to coherently (but assertively) tell her what happened, and it devolved into me screaming into the phone that if that $900.00 was not in my account by the end of next week I was going to lose my fucking mind. I think I even added a "Do you understand me" at the end of it. Then I started bawling, of course.

She was actually very nice and very helpful. My boyfriend believes that she was nice and helpful because I went apeshit. But still, she was nice and helpful. She put the claim back into active, elevated status and said the claims department would contact the woman at the branch who witnessed the demise of my deposit.

It took me 25 minutes after the phone call before I stopped feeling all wild. I ate a hot dog, did some laundry. Did some dishes. Plotted my revenge.

I've gotten angry with Bank of America in the past for various reasons with my line of credit. I've also gotten angry with them at work for their monkey business with my clients. But today was the denouement of many years of frustration towards epic-sized financial institutions.

TCF Bank would never have done this to me. They'd have opened the fucking ATM and given me my cash back that afternoon.

Funny thing is, the same thing happened at the SAME branch at the SAME ATM to a friend of ours, not two days after it happened to me. Coincidence?

Bottom line: Polite customer service? Yes. Bullshit policies regarding ATM fuckups? YES. Bureaucratic nonsense getting in the way of my enjoyable banking experience? YES. Going to be shutting down all contact with Bank of America as soon as my loan is paid off and the dog surgery business is over? FUCK YES.